Estranged Adult Children


I am a senior.  I see pain all around me with seniors, being in my complex, at the doctors, or in stores.  I see parents in need who have no one,  and alone, without a visit, a word of praise, or a helping hand.   The video below was posted on Facebook, and it struck a nerve, whereby,  its’ contents are needed.   On here  I have covered abuse on the above bar, “Shattered for Christ”, and the bi-polar outcome of suicide of my youngest son.  I have done posts on seniors and loneliness and abuse.  However, I hadn’t touched on the “Estranged Adult Children”, and after viewing the video below, copied the very touching words and pain caused in this type of estrangement.  To the younger generation in their 20’s, 30’s, 40’s, and 50’s, I say take heed at your contribution to this terrible epidemic in this pop culture society.  For God is watching and “we reap what we sow.”  As you will see, estrangement, too is all about control.  For what end? When the parent you love way down deep and yet hate, may be dead soon.  The battle belongs to the Lord!   From video:

“They are adults, who when children, must have recorded and journaled every unintentional mistake/error their parent/parents had ever made.  They are adult children born into the “me” generation who  are likely not perfect parents themselves.  Someone has them believing that they endured poor parenting.  Rather than move forward these adult children retain the power position of accusing, blaming and guilt.  Generation ME  has never known a world that put DUTY before SELF, and believes  that the needs of the individual should come first.   Of course parents wish they had done things differently!  Parents failed to give a sense of duty and belonging.  Unmet needs.  There are no perfect parents–there are no perfect children.

Unlike the first generation, many of them have their own homes, cars, and all can afford lovely holiday’s.  In my day growing up, their was no Social Security for my Grandparents, and my own parents did the  duty that SOCIETY then expected of them, brought them to live with them, and /or paid for hospitalization, or nursing homes.  My father did for his mother, and my maternal grandfather who lived with us when I was about 10.  So, todays freebies and yes, neglect were not always true of working parents. (I also feel that our Government is partially to blame, media, and taking God and prayer out of schools.)  My mother took care of her father, as there were no Medicare/Medicaid and parents and churches always helped the elderly.

Estrangement doesn’t happen because someone did something.  Sometimes too, it is guilts.  If it’s that easy for either a child or a parent to throw the other away, then they were lying in wait for the opportunity to make the separation.”  (And my I interjection here is,  that is not in God’s Holy Word.)  “There’s no real fault, just as there shouldn’t be blame.”  author unknown (video)

“Blaming a mother is just another negative way of clinging to her still.”   author unknown

“We’re all guilty…we’re all innocent” author unknown

It’s interpretation and none of us know how our words or actions were interpreted.”  author unknown

On honoring, whether we, parents made errors or not!

Generational Curses handed down:

“The weak can never forgive.  Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong.”  Mahatma Gandhi

“Trees are poems the earth writes upon the sky we felt them and turned them into paper, that we may record our emptiness.”  Kahil Gibran

“The LORD is longsuffering, and of great mercy, forgiving iniquity and transgression” (If proper repentance is engaged), “and by no means clearing the guilty” (if  repentance is not forthcoming) , “visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation “(that is, being accountable to HIM if there is no repentance.)  KJ Expositors study Bible

“People are unrealistic, illogical and self-centered” in this pop culture we live in, so far away from God Almighty. ” Love them anyways.”  Mother Teresa

“One day you will ask me which is more important? My life or yours?  I will say mine and you will walk away not knowing that YOU ARE my life.” Kahil Gibran

” A mother’s love for her child is like nothing else in the world.  It knows no law, no pity.  It dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path.”  Agatha Christie

“It is better to die on your face rather to live on your knees.” (Begging constantly, preaching to the one ignoring..a form of control.)

“According to estranged adult children all past and current suffering is the fault of parents.  How can a parent be held responsible for an adults lack of joy?  This makes one curious about their current environment and /or heart if they call themselves a Christian.   Generally, parents have good intent .  A willful and sudden stop of all communication shows very poor intent on the part of the adult child.”

“Sadness, is a wall between two gardens.”  Kahil Gibran

“We’re all guilty — We’re all innocent.  It’s the interpretation and none of us know how our words or actions were interpreted.”  author unknown

“If your brother (adult child) trespass against you, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him.” Luke 17:3

“There is therefore now NO CONDEMNATION (guilt) to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, (world) but after the spirit.”  Romans 8:1

I have grieved, cried and sobbed in my pillow at not only divorces, but the death of my three month old baby in 1958,  the suicide of my bi-polar 19 year old in 1999, and the total estrangement of  my 53 year old son, who hated his father as I; the finger pointing accusations of two daughters, one I haven’t seen out of state for 9 years. Yet, am saved by Grace, God is and always has been my advocate, in spite of any indignant accusing, I therefore stand on the word of God.  NO Condemnation; if God be for me, man or child cannot be against me, in Jesus name.    I rebuke this silent epidemic as it is called, out of my life and my three remaining children’s lives…in Jesus name by the blood HE shed at the Cross.

This “Silent Epidemic” is too about control; and (possibly unspoken ) threat you will lose your family.  We tend to go around in circles between drama and chaos – – back and forth always the drama.  Is it about me?  NO!  It is about my relationship with Jesus, not feeding the complexities of your emptiness.   As an artist, a writer, I find I have wanted to push, teach, instill, and sometimes,  ram my knowledge to the ones who are not interested one iota.  Since Jesus inside me IS the me that I am now,  I think I have seen it as a rejection of HIM as well as me.  Now perhaps in my own fears as I am getting older, and more and more disabled in all my arthritic pain, and shortcomings, I have come to the conclusion after playing these videos and listening, that I have to leave it all at the Cross.   Whereby, I am praying that God give me the discernment I need, when I always feel I am walking on eggshells.  Isaiah 43:10-12 Which says, too, “You are to be my witnesses”, whereby in Jesus name, I will stop blaming myself, and trust my instincts based on scriptures that God gives me and begin to implement rules and boundaries towards my adult children.   With this, I leave it once more all to you Lord.  You are my advocate, my judge, my Father, my instructor, my redeemer, my greatest love, denying self…my all…Thank you Lord.  Please I pray help others go through this walk and heal these estrangements.  We cannot change another only ourselves.  In only you Lord, who never EVER failed me, do I trust.