Loving the Unlovable

1486638_10152401961537344_6584108232911690385_nI wrote on here “My Reply to Muslims that hate”, trying to see both Ishmael and his heritage and Isaac as God sees them.  I sense what God says in Genesis, and the destination He put down for both lineages.  Yet, I know that God loves the Muslim as well as the Jew.  I know too, in my heart that forgiveness begins in the spirit and then the heart.

Ah, but, what about hates in your own family?  I wrote in “Enemies” from Ron Carpenter, “Be careful when you say “I love you”, for it is the license to be hurt.  People that are close to you need to EARN IT!  Toxic love never moves to the next level and earns one thing!  The toxic love wants what you have,  or it will destroy you, and slander you and all those close to you that you do love and respect.  Family members too that are destructive, need to be put at bay.  We may be stuck with them, but we don’t need them close to us to hurt us either.  HONOR your father and your mother, means NOT AS A PARENT,  but as YOUR MOTHER who gave you life!”

Someone said to me that you don’t have to “earn it”…I differ with that.  For if it begins with behavior that cuts and hurts another, is belligerent, lying, greedy, selfish, hateful, backstabbing, with failure to recognize the abuse they are causing, you cannot have a relationship with them.  You can forgive, yet, you cannot ever forget the damage they have done to you.

Forgiveness too, begins with love.  “Love is patient, love is kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude.  Love does not demand its own way.  Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged.  It is never glad about injustice, but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.  Love never gives up, loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. ” I Corinthians 13:4-7.

However, if the pain is insufferably so deep, with perhaps even a prior suicide attempt, caused by people that hate you and literally wish you dead,  how far do you go to make peace with the unlovable?  No psychiatrist, psychologist, would tell you to stay in such a dangerous situation.   Forgiveness?  We can forgive from a distance, we can love from a distance, but, love too, is far different than “liking” someone or respecting them.  I have no respect for abusive people that intentionally want to defame, slander you and control,  it is libel.  In that situation, a line has to be drawn.  For the one who is really at fault here is Satan after all.  I can pray for these people, that God has HIS way, and ask God to reach them, but, unless the Holy Spirit comes in and shows them the error of their ways, and change is imminent, you must keep your distance else they destroy you.  God has given me discernment, and I know the difference between God’s love, and manipulative, controlling love.

I was given this scripture, “If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you?  Even sinners love those who love them.  And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you?  Even  sinners do that. ” (Luke 6:27-33 NIV) My Expositors Study Bible says, “Pray that they will see GOD’s way!” 29 says “And unto him who smites you on the one cheek offer also the other; and him who takes away your cloak forbid not to take your coat…”  (Is meant to serve as a principle and not to be taken literally; for example, the Lord, Himself did not offer Himself to be stricken again (John 18:22-23), but, firmly with courtesy, rebuked the one (which I had done to my abuser, showing scripture) who struck Him; the principle is that one should not seek retaliation, for if one demands too loudly, the loss could be greater than the cloak or coat. (But your own life, if you have any illnesses ie stroke, heart, or depression.)  John 18:22-23 “And when He had thus spoken one of the officers which stood by struck Jesus with the palm of his hand saying, Answer thou High Priest so?” (This answers the fact that they were looking for a reason …) “Jesus answered him, if I have spoken evil, bear witness of the evil. ”   (In essence says, “if I have spoken or committed some type of evil, tell ME what it is…ie prove it!” ) Instead we know he was then taken to Caiaphas the High Priest.  But, Jesus did stand up to the wrongs, and he didn’t just say…oh I love you…He stood his ground until the end…taking the abuse and beatings; with forgiveness, but without a physical loving relationship to those who were killing him.

We, as women especially, even in our churches we attend, or relationships in our own families, need emotional intimacy which unites us with other Christians.  If a situation in hatreds and acts receives, oversteps bounds putting us in danger, we can drive hurting women especially, and elderly, deeper into themselves and even suicide.  Guilt devastates. So does shame of even bringing these hateful people into this world.  This is my heart from the depths of pain that I have lived with.  “Death ends a life, but it struggles for a resolution that it will never find.”  Author unknown