The following blog was written two years ago, 2010. Since then I have so many ups and down with my daughters I sometimes wonder what’s going to happen to me. I do Trust God. It is so hard. Children in their 40’s & 50’s don’t want the responsibility for taking care of their aging parents. They wanted to have my Will, Power of Attorney, and Power of Attorney for my Living Will, but when trouble calls and I’d been in an accident, then later, had medical problems, then my car had a transmission problem, no one is there to help. That is what having responsibility for an elderly person is. It is the children that should be dealing with their doctors, their medical, senior housing, and supervising gently with LOVE, when your old. I’m not there quite yet, but if this past week was an indication, then I have a problem and many of you may too. If children can’t deal with it, a stranger or friend that can be trusted should have the legal authority. And I don’t understand it. I would never ever have treated my Mom and Dad the way children are today. Even at the doctor’s last week, there are seniors there, who complain and start crying even. They are so alone.
From old blog:
I went to see my cousin, this Sunday who looks so tired and is in such excruciating pain with the rotor cup on her left shoulder bone…It is horrible black and blue the size of a grapefruit. BLACK! I honestly don’t know how she gets dressed or cooks, never mind feeds her kitty or empties kit lit. I have to start seeing her more often and help if she needs it. I was really shocked to see her so pale, tired, washed out. (82). Her sister has a big house in another town, a widow, who is 81. Her twin brother Ed , who helped me with all my mothers lineage, is in a house in Ocala FL. He is losing blood…has so much wrong, and it looks like he has leukemia. (Ed since died a year and a half ago). He’s had so many surgeries…and the last 2 came up here, in NH and stayed after with her. HE too is in excruciating pain. The 3 of them are in a mess in the 80’s. My cousin, of course lost her only child, a son Russell at 53 a year ago. So I think I have troubles? Her sister and Ed are stubborn. You that are old, know what I mean. I told her I thought they should sell their houses and go in a nursing home or like one here that has little houses you can rent, until things get bad then go in their home. She never had any children; so all the three of them have is Ed’s son for help. *(THAT has since changed as like all 50 he is out and about and never even calls. ) My cousins sister now has he neighbors as Executrix and help as she had no children either. So these people, unrelated will inherit her big house.
Anyways..I felt really bad. REALLY bad. It is not easy being a senior you know, without family. And I have family yet sometimes feel they could care less if I dropped tomorrow. Some children (now I mean children in the 40’s and 50’s) call their mom every day..see her almost every day. I called my mother at least every other day…sometimes 3 times a day. I held no secrets from my mother…I told her everything, at the time. I needed her. I wasn’t independent like my daughters now or should I say cold. Couples that love each other put their arms around each other during service and GOD is in the middle of those marriages. And it won’t work any other way…been there done that. Anyways, sometimes I get sick of being alone, and I’m sick and tired of the way they treat me. Yet, when I look around, I’m not the only one.
I see this with other seniors here in senior complexes too. Then I also see those like a lady at the other end, whose son , Danny dotes on her and is here all the time. He takes her shopping, includes her…He’s my youngest daughter’s age, divorced with a small son. He is a wonderful son. He’s even helped me too.
This world is much too computerized, so Bill O’Reilly said this weekend; texting….fast…stressed. The days of sitting at a kitchen table over coffee and just talking with your friends as I used to do with my girlfriends younger in my 30’s..is over. The art of conversation and having contact with people is over. Psychiatrist Keith Ablow on Fox went even further last week. That is why people cannot HAVE relationships that last. I am convinced that the divorce rate is so high because of lack of communication. Everything is so impersonal. My daughters are cold. I feel the cold. So are just about every 30, 40, and 50 year old that may have a senior parent. If they do call me? It’s because I nagged. It is NOT out of love on their own accord. Anyways, it is the way I feel now. Perhaps more so, because I am driving myself, without support, or a human touch, to a hospital this morning for a biopsy. It would be nice to know someone other than those in my church cared. I wonder how many others feel the way I do?
I see elderly in my eye doctors; everywhere, and no one has family anymore. My father and mother, felt it was their duty to take care of my grandfather after my grandma died. My parents moved him in. My mother worked so hard taking care of him, as he was crippled. But, 50-100 years ago, your parents were who cared for by you…not a darned nursing home, being warehoused! Regardless, I’m looking to adopt another “daughter” at this point from church. And if I find someone who helps me a little laughs and gives me a little time and can be a friend too? Isn’t that what loving God is all about?
I had friends who babysat my young son that died in 1999, in the early 90’s. That is how they got their house. An old lady, (old? the age I am now at 73) whose daughter was cold, worked out of state, never had time for a phone call. Her house on the outside was neglected. This gal and her husband started mowing her lawn , helping; and finally they moved in and remodeled…with an apt for this woman. I thought it was awful at the time. But, now I see. She had a family and children all around her and meals, and a small apt with privacy. When she died, the house went to them. The daughter came up for the funeral. She didn’t bat an eye. Cold.. THAT is today’s society. And it reeks. Seniors deserve better. Many served in wars, etc. gave to this country, worked for 50 years, saved money and lived frugally. And their children grew up in a selfish society to neglect them…brush them aside.
At least I have my computer and a LOT of friends I mostly communicate with on-line, and although its not the same as sitting across the table sharing coffee and cookies, when across the miles its better than nothing, that at our ages we have made a connection again. For that I love them and are grateful. So, between all the church people I know…and my classmates. We cheer each other up. I’m alone but I’m not. One gal was my best friend since we were 5 years old …68 years ago!
I can’t change one thing, and if you read this and share the same problems, neither can you.. My long letter Christmas, and as I also said in 2007, did nothing! Today, I go for a biopsy as a mammogram found something. Who wants to be alone and drive yourself to that? The churches I listen to, do not teach treating your mother or father like this. We reap what we sow. What comes around goes around. And the secret lives.. What secrets? What do they have to hide? I’m saved , my oldest is supposedly saved, and my youngest and UNDER God saved, there should be no secrets. God HATES secret lives. I can’t change hearts only God can. To hear her say like she did to me about her grandmother in a nursing home with Alzheimer’s, “Why doesn’t she just die?” BECAUSE God is in charge not her!!! That’s a terrible thing to say, even though I never got along with my ex mother in law. The woman didn’t even know anyone at the end. And my ex will (did die a year ago) end up the same, as he doesn’t do anything, other than his business. No friends or hobbies, no computer; not even playing golf. Living like that is being in depression. No wonder so many seniors get scammed, or even murdered. They are too naive, because they need.
I wonder how many are out there that know a senior all by themselves with no family to give them joy, have a meal with once in awhile, visit, or at least pick up the phone and call them to ask how they are doing. We are definitely in the end times. We are an apostate church and nation. (A turning away from moral and spiritual values and beliefs). Mark 13:12-13 “Now the brother shall betray the brother to death, and the father the son, and children shall rise up against THEIR PARENTS, AND SHALL CAUSE THEM TO BE PUT TO DEATH. And ye shall be hated of all men for My Name sake. Isn’t that exactly what is happening now? And what comes after Apostasy all throughout history? Bondage! That is where we are headed in this nation.
Luke 21:16 “And you shall be betrayed both by parents, and brethren, and kinsfolk, and friends and some of you shall they cause to be put to death.” The end times…
Speaking of the blind man in Luke 9:2, “And His deciples asked Him, saying, Master who did sin, this man, or his parents, that he was born blind.” See, children always blaming their parents for what their lot in life is, rather than looking within, and to Jesus. But, Jesus answered, ” Neither has this man sinned, nor his parents, but that the Works of God should be made manifest in Him.” ( Means that unlike children of wrath, Jesus came to the earth, not to condemn men for their fallen condition because in fact they are already condemned; He came to set man free by the power of God.)
Expositor’s Study Bible.
Roman’s 1:30 “Backbiters, haters of God, spiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, DISOBEDIENT TO PARENTS. Unmerciful…..Ephesians in Chapter 6 commands children to obey their parents. When the parents get old, children are supposed to care for them in tenderness. It doesn’t matter if they were unsaved when you were small, as long as the person asked forgiveness, and has been saved and repented. (I’m not talking about abuse here just a “liberal” lifestyle.) None of us are perfect, myself included. My parents were not either. But, they did the BEST they could as I wrote in previous blogs. You let go, grow up…forgive them, and love them and move on and care for them. I loved my parents. My mom died suddenly at only 69, when I was 36, and it floored me. You only have one set of parents, unless in divorces…When these parents reach the 70’s, have illnesses, and get older now going in the 90’s, they need you. For when you are older, you regress, your memory back to happier times. Memory may fail, and you can’t remember if you took a pill when you should, yet you remember old friends and childhood with clarity.
Leviticus 19:32 You shall stand up before the gray head and honor the face of an old man, and you shall fear your God: I am the Lord.
1 Timothy 5:8 But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
1Timothy 5:1-2Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, in all purity.
1Timothy 5:4 But if a widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show godliness to their own household and to make some return to their parents, for this is pleasing in the sight of God.
Ephesians 6 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.
Ephesians “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.
Isaiah 1:17 Learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow’s cause.
Colossians 3:20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.
Proverbs 22:6Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 13:24Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.
Proverbs 30:17The eye that mocks a father and scorns to obey a mother will be picked out by the ravens of the valley and eaten by the vultures.
Proverbs 23:22 Listen to your father who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old.
Ephesians 5:15 Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise,
Young people, if you are guilty of not appreciating your parents even though they were not as “perfect” as you may have wanted; especially if they now are saved, you forgive them and love them. The way you treat your mother (father) so will God treat you. Love isn’t love unless it is given away. For someday, you may be in that very lonely place of older age. I pray for all the seniors out there that are abandoned and alone. I pray for those in nursing homes that have no one to visit them. I pray for seniors at home who do not have children to love them or help them. God, you loved the widows and the fatherless. My heart aches from the needs I’ve seen and children who are selfish and cold. I leave this all in your hands Father God. Thank you Lord Jesus for you know who all these people are.